


The Best Glitch Ever

by Shananigans402



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Parody, Satire, Zoey Clarke & Simon Haynes (Mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23840311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shananigans402/pseuds/Shananigans402
Summary: After a recent trip to a tech conference, Zoey's powers begin to glitch again. This leads to an important conversation and amusing performance from her friend Max.
Relationships: Zoey Clarke & Max Richman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	The Best Glitch Ever

The sound of someone knocking prompted Zoey to pause the documentary she was watching and make her way to her front door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she glanced through the peephole and smiled as she realized it was her best friend standing on the other side of the door. She quickly unlocked the deadbolt and threw open her door, “Hey, I didn’t think I’d see you today.”

“Hey, yeah sorry for dropping by without warning. I just wanted to stop in and give you this,” Max explained as he held up a tote bag bearing the name of the tech conference from which they had recently returned.

“Oh thanks, you didn’t have to do that,” Zoey replied as she took the bag and stepped aside to let him enter her apartment. She glanced down to see the bag was stuffed full of items emblazoned with logos from various companies. “Wow, did you get all this conference swag for me?”

“Well, you left before all the awesome parties on the last day, so I wanted to make sure you got the cool stuff,” Max explained as he walked into the entry hall. 

Zoey nodded as she set the bag down on the bench beside her door, “Yeah, sorry that I just kinda ditched you there at the end.”

“It’s cool, I actually made a lot of friends this week. It was like Comic Con, but without the costumes and instead of pop culture panels, they had panels on awesome tech stuff. I hope I get to go next year.”

“I’m glad you had such a good time,” Zoey said with a tight-lipped smile as she turned and made her way to the living room.

“Is everything okay?” Max asked as he followed his friend further into her apartment.

“Uh, yeah,” she said with a tired nod, “It’s just been a long week, you know? And on top of that, I think my powers are glitching again.”

“Woah, glitching like the last time?”

“No, thankfully,” Zoey said with a firm shake of her head, “But ever since I got back yesterday, the heart songs I’ve been hearing are unusual, to say the least. It’s like the songs are parodying the people singing them. For example, that annoying hipster who works at the cafe we hate started singing about rebelling against ‘the system’ and society, but the lyrics were so satirical. I looked it up when I got home and apparently it was a Lonely Island song called Threw It On the Ground. And then I passed a group of people protesting outside that new LGBT center that’s about to open up and they were all singing about the Good Book, which, as I found out, is a Tim Minchin song pointing out the logical fallacies used to support certain religious beliefs.”

“That actually sounds pretty cool,” Max commented with a smile, “It must be a nice break from hearing the emotional stuff all the time.”

“Yeah, it has been pretty entertaining, but also really odd. I’m hoping it’s just jet lag or the stress from the conference and that it will go back to normal soon. Because honestly, I don’t know what to do with heart songs like these unless I’m now expected to try and change people’s entire personality or belief system.”

Max nodded, “Then I hope for your sake, they stop glitching soon. But what do you mean by stress from the conference? That was easily one of the coolest things I’ve ever been to! I mean, how often do we get to be surrounded by that many other people in our industry and geek out over the newest tech?”

Zoey tried to figure out how to phrase her reply so she didn’t dampen her friend’s excitement too much, “It was awesome going to the panels and seeing the new developments in the industry,” she agreed, “And I’m glad you had a great time and made a lot of friends there, but that definitely wasn’t my experience.”

“What do you mean?” Max asked with a confused frown.

“Well, being one of the only women there representing our company, a lot of the other attendees just assumed I was a booth model and that I was only there to bring in visitors. And then they try and mansplain _our_ tech and products to me because I couldn’t possibly be a programmer and know what I’m talking about. Plus, thanks to my powers, I had to listen to far too many heart songs from horny guys who wanted to sleep with me. I mean, seriously, I never knew there were so many different songs about sex.”

“That sucks, Zo,” Max replied, “Why didn’t you talk to me about it while we were there? I would have helped you out.”

“There was nothing you could have really done to help,” she replied with a shrug, “It’s just how society is, I mean, I was talking to Simon about it…”

“Wait, so you told him about it, but not me? I thought I was your best friend,” Max interrupted, the tone of his voice clearly conveying his hurt.

Zoey sighed and shook her head, “It wasn’t like I was keeping it from you, but you were always off making friends and having a great time. So it was just Simon and I hanging out at the hotel bar most nights, venting about how shitty these conferences are. Simon can’t completely relate to my experience as a woman at these type of events, but he also has to deal with a ton of crap because people are constantly questioning his skills and competence because he’s black. These conferences can just be really, really awful if you’re not a straight white guy.”

Max’s brow furrowed while Zoey spoke, “So, because of how I was born, I can’t possibly understand you the way Simon can?”

Zoey could detect the jealousy in his voice, but she was tired of backtracking and trying to protect his feelings, “Honestly, in this situation, yes,” she replied, “I’m not saying you can’t listen to my experience and empathize, but as a heterosexual white male, you have to admit that you haven’t really experienced oppression before, Max. You’ve had a super privileged life, and like you said, you can’t control how you were born, but you should also realize how fortunate you are because of it.”

Max shook his head as he stood up, “This is ridiculous. Honestly, I think you’re just trying to come up with reasons why you prefer Simon to me. And if I’m so fortunate, then how come the woman I’m in love with doesn’t want me too?” 

“Wow, are you serious right now?” Zoey asked, her eyes widening in disbelief, “Because if you are, it sounds like you’re saying that me not wanting to date you is a form of oppression, which would just be absurd.”

Max shook his head as he turned to face the fireplace, his arms resting on the mantle as he tried to process his frustration. 

With the emotional turmoil Max was clearly experiencing, Zoey wasn’t too surprised when she began to hear the beginning of a heart song - a piano playing that only she could hear. She wasn’t sure if her powers would still be acting up or if they had gone back to normal. She didn’t recognize the opening melody and settled into the couch to let the performance unfold. 

_Walkin' around, I've got no one to talk to_   
_There's everyone, and then there's just me_   
_If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it?_   
_God only knows why he cursed me to be_   
_A straight white man_

Max had been singing the opening verse more to the portrait of Ada Lovelace over her fireplace than to her, but as he finished the last lyric, she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. Clearly her powers were still acting up and continuing to poke fun at the people expressing themselves, but she had to admit, this one was particularly amusing.

As if prompted by her laugh, Max turned to face her as he continued singing, a slight furrow in his brow. 

_I state my problems_   
_Other people roll their eyes_   
_Three trips to the mall_   
_Zero khakis in my size_   
_I've never been the victim_   
_Of a random search for drugs_   
_But you can't say my life is easy_   
_Until you've walked a mile in my UGGs_

“Gotta hand it to you, Max. This may be my favorite performance of yours yet. Seems the most honest anyway,” Zoey commented, even though she knew he wasn’t able to hear her in the middle of a heart song. She was aware that her comment was more than a little harsh, but she was still upset over his earlier remarks.

_Straight white man, I know the road looks tough ahead_   
_The women want rights_   
_The gays want kids, what?_   
_Can't you just leave us alone?_   
_And also, no to the things you asked for_

Zoey couldn’t hold back the loud laugh that bubbled up and escaped her as Max finished the chorus. She had to admit that as far as glitches went, she didn’t really mind this one. Sure, it might make her friends and random strangers seem like jerks, but it was amusing to her. It was as if her powers were trying to make up for her stressful week.

_They're being greedy and they know it, okay?_

Max said as an aside, prompting another laugh from Zoey.

_Everyone thinks that I've got it easy_   
_And just 'cause it's true, doesn't mean that it's right_   
_So pull up a chair, and put down your pitchforks_   
_Give me a chance to show you what it is like_   
_To be a straight white man_

Zoey watched as Max stood on the chair opposite from her couch. “Can you not stand on the furniture…” she started before realizing he couldn’t hear her anyway. She also knew he wasn’t actually dancing around her living room right now, so her upholstery wouldn’t suffer any real damage. 

_The church has never made me_   
_Feel ashamed of who I am_   
_But I get e-mails from Zappos_   
_That Gmail doesn't mark as spam_   
_My country's Constitution_   
_Was hand-written by my race_   
_But my wife bought me the brand new iPhone_   
_With an iPod Touch's case---case doesn't fit that phone_

This was by far the most entertaining performance she had seen in a long time. It was made even better by Max’s expressions of anguish and frustration as he sang and moved around the apartment. 

_Straight white man, I know the road looks tough ahead_   
_The women want rights_   
_The blacks want not to be called "the blacks," sorry_   
_Can't you just leave us alone?_   
_Also, no to the things you asked for_

Zoey had dissolved into a fit of laughter as she listened to the lyrics. She wished that Max had been performing this genuinely and not as a heart song because she would appreciate it way more if her friend was purposely poking fun at himself. Unfortunately, based on how he had acted during their conversation, she knew he was annoyingly unaware of his privilege and he was frustrated that he couldn’t relate to her about being discriminated against, while Simon could. 

_Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead_   
_The women want rights_   
_The African-Ameri---it doesn't work for the rhythm_   
_We used to have all the money and land_   
_And we still do, but it's not as fun now_

Max finished his performance, ending up back by the fireplace and resting his hands defeatedly on the mantle. Zoey took a deep breath to compose herself; however, she knew she still had a wide, mirthful smile on her face when Max turned around to face her.

“What?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together to show his confusion as he took in her giddy state.

“Nothing,” Zoey said with a shake of her head; she bit her lip to hold in a chuckle as she thought back to the performance she had just witnessed. She noticed Max was still watching her, waiting for her to give a real answer. “You know how I told you my powers have been a bit off since we got back? Well, you just performed a heart song.”

“I did?” Max said as he moved closer to the couch, “What did I sing?”

“I’m not sure what it’s called, I’d never heard it before, but I think it’s a parody song about being a straight, white man,” she explained. 

“The Bo Burnham song?” Max asked in surprise.

Zoey shrugged, “Maybe, like I said, I hadn’t heard it before. I have to admit, it was hilarious though.”

“I’m glad that your messed up powers have made me out to look like an entitled asshole,” Max muttered as he straightened his posture, “Have you considered that maybe your powers aren’t glitching, but that you’re projecting the songs you want to hear onto people? After all, you were the one who was just saying how privileged and fortunate I was because I’m a white man.”

“I mean, it’s possible, but seeing as I had never heard that song before, it seems unlikely,” Zoey countered. “Look, Max, I didn’t mean to upset you, I just thought the song was funny. I know you’re not a bad guy. I get that you’re frustrated that there’s another thing Simon and I can both relate to, even if our experiences are different, that you just can’t really understand. But that’s not a bad thing - you're lucky that you haven’t been discriminated against or treated differently because of your race or gender.”

Max was quiet and Zoey had no idea what was going through his mind. She figured he was trying to find some way to refute what she had just said, but she knew he couldn’t without it sounding like another verse to that song. He seemed to ultimately realize this as he shook his head, “I think I should go. Let me know when your powers are back to normal.”

Zoey nodded as she watched Max heading for the door. Part of her felt bad that she had yet again seemed to upset him when she hadn’t meant to, but she knew she hadn’t done anything other than tell him some truths that he apparently didn’t like. The door closed behind him and Zoey sighed as she glanced around her now empty apartment. 

After taking a minute to process what had just happened, she decided she wanted to distract herself from the feeling of frustration she experienced every time she and Max argued. She wasn’t going to sit around her apartment all night and think through things she should or shouldn’t have said. It had been a stressful enough week and now she just wanted to have some fun.

Zoey stood up and went across the hall to knock on her neighbor’s door. As soon as Mo answered, she gave him an excited smile, “We’re going out tonight, my powers are glitching in the most amusing way ever, and I want to enjoy every bit of this until they go back to normal.” 

Mo quirked an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by the news, “Come in while I get ready and tell me more.”

Zoey followed her neighbor into his apartment, already feeling a little better as she looked forward to what was sure to be a memorable night out. 


End file.
